I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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