I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
