I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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