guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
