And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
