i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
