I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Come see our sink grown plant.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
