Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
What did we do last night that was yellow?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
