Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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