put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
