Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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