Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
