put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
only if we run a train.
done.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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