Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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