remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
