just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
