my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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