Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
