Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
