I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Shitshow foam night was such a success
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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