His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
