There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
