dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
