I have demons in me.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
