glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
