my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
