I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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