I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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