You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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