maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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