That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
