i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
