I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
