She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I die, sorry about rent.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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