arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
