im six kinds of drunk right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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