hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
