I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your shirt... Was in my pants
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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