Non-Jews are for practice
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
