Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
