Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
