goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
