he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
