Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
