She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
