I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bring money and cleavage
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize