I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
