she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
