Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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