He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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