i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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