i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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