Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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