i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
