just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize