No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I puked a lego.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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