Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
