Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
