Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
