He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
