hotel room ftw
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
