i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
