The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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