I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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