her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
