Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
