and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
