Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize