My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
