11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
