dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
worst night to have a conscience
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize