i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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