If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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