I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Terrible idea I love it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
