If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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