i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
