And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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