Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
