Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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