My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
