he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
