Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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