I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
