You're my little dorito
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
sex in a hospital.. check
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
