Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
