Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
