pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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