Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
