The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
