Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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