Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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