i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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