why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
