You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
