My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
