i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
