three words: i give head
three words: not that well
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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