our cab driver is having phone sex.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How external is "for external use only"?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
