so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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