just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
