Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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