Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
