how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
