my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im about as happy as oj after his trial
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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