I just cut my nipple shaving
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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