Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
