So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
