Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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