the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
