If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We have so much sex to catch up on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
