Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
