The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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